i just needed a place to put my thoughts

so i originally just made this website to connect all my music shit somewhere centralized and off of social medias. and then when i was making this website i remembered when i had favorite artists and bands that actually had blogs and websites and i remember looooving how they utilized that (pete wentz’s blog anyone? girl behind the curtain is that u??)

this is me trying to do that. oto

i’ve been working on this record for a few years now and i’m so hyped that it’s finally starting to see the light of day. so many acts of god kept pushing it back. and so many acts of my own self sabotage pushed this record back. balance the scales or something. how’s that for biting back? (i didnt)

i had a good therapy session this morning and bitched about a lot of my personal life and realized how certain events in the past week triggered core wounds and that’s a whole other thing to write a song about so i guess i will get to that processing moment when i get there. how sad that i spend so much of my life cultivating my rainbow wheel moments. whatever.
i went to voice lessons and for some reason whenever i hit hard consonants in my mixed middle i struggle to find the resonance and i choke up. it’s like someone tied rope around my throat for those notes on those consonants. and it’s so irritating. but at least i figured out one of my biggest weak points.

work called me off which i think i needed so i’ve spent the rest of the day finishing the press release for run run, finishing the graphics for this website, creating and exporting graphics for another song’s music video and sent that to scalzo (we love scalzo), among other things. i think i typed all that out just to prove to myself that i actually did something today.

my friend todd derr is going to help me put out this record. i’m excited. todd decided on a name for their new label and i’m stoked to be the guinea pig and be a part of it. i’ve been so grateful that so much of this record has come together by people just believing in art and wanting to create and i think that’s so fucking sick. i definitely fell for the traps in some old music projects i was a part of in terms of like trying to stay on trend with business shit and this time around was just like i am going to be a five year old and creativity is my brain’s personal toy room. we got the xylophone in the corner. we got the construction paper and glue sticks in the other. we got my beanie babies that are gonna be part of a photoshoot later. yanno. that was me creating this record. but mix in a lot of inviting friends over and we make up our own games and our own rules. but not in the “kid who is losing and we’re playing at his house so he changes the rules last minute” kind of way but like yo the weight of the world is really hard but i just got a new set of k’nex from kb toys and i just installed corkscrew follies expansion pack to my emachine… so like you’re probably not gonna hear from me for like months

i’ll get around to it when i get around to it.

i can’t stop listening to the new safe mind record. the new pretty bitter record rips too. music is so sick. also i was listening to the new mal devisa record earlier at the gym and it was so sick. im so about it.

73 days til my first monsters game of the season. go monsters.